


Nepenthe

by orphan_account



Series: the beautiful and the profound (words) [15]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Foster Family, Anxiety, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Lowercase, M/M, No Smut, Past Abuse, Sad with a Happy Ending, Secret Relationship, Sex Talk, Top!Tyler, Trauma, Tyler is 22, Underage Kissing, bill and laura are saints theyre not the abusers in this btw, discussions about abuse, josh is 17, protective!tyler
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-23 01:56:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13179948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: (n.) something that can make you forget grief or suffering.the one where tyler is a twenty-something college drop-out but this story isn't about him...





	1. i.

**Author's Note:**

> this fic does cover some heavy stuff so please read the tags for triggers
> 
> i love you and enjoy this fluffy angsty mess....

there's nothing but the whirr of josh's five year old dying laptop, the crackle of speech through the crappy speakers as a cartoon plays. there's the soft sound of fingers running soothingly through long red hair as a small girl dribbles over the ear of her cat stuffie, cheek smushed into a jean-clad knee, nose pink and eyes sparkling as they reflect the low quality image.

tyler runs his fingers through her hair so carefully, like she'll crumble to dust at the slightest disturbance. his other hand is tangled with josh's, arm trapped between josh's head and the faded, ripped couch cushions. His face is flushed with sleep and his feet dangle over the end.

Abigail is fixed to the kids film unfolding in front of her but tyler is watching josh, his stomach churning as he tries everything he can to quell his worries and fears. He looks so peaceful as he sleeps but he also looks so young when his guard is down like this. tyler forgets sometimes that he's never gotten a proper childhood, or that even though he's a senior in high school and more mature than most of tyler's friends, he's still so young. but tyler cant think about that either, that has its own anxieties attached.

there's a crash upstairs and then running, tyler tries to look behind him as he hears footsteps, sees ashley guiding jordan down the stairs, his mouth is bleeding and tyler almost gets up before remembering the tiny angel in his lap. she's so small, too small, he thinks but he knows she eats more than the rest of her siblings because they all work on the philosophy of putting her needs first.

"he okay?" tyler asks quietly as ashley sits jordan in the old gross armchair in the corner of the room. it smells like burnt coffee and stale cigarettes and just looking at it makes you want to scrub yourself clean.

"walked into the door like a right moron." ashley replies forcing a light tone but the worry in her eyes as she ruffles her younger brothers hair is more evident than the bags under her eyes, or the scars on her arms.

jordan's one eye is swollen shut from a run in with his mother's booze bottle and his depth perception is suffering.

ashley makes him rinse and spit before handing him a bag of something frozen, wrapped in a dirty dish rag, its all they have. they're lucky the freezer was actually on, usually the powers out because their mother has yet again spent bills money on vodka and plastic mini skirts she thinks will cop her, short-lived, male attention.

tyler feels anger bubble up, but its replaced by genuine fear when he hears a knock at the front door.

all four siblings' eyes fly wide open, josh woken with a start and immediately sitting up.

josh gets up quickly, heading for the door.

he feels his whole body seize up, when it opens to reveal a face josh hoped to avoid.

"hey there joshua, can i come in?" the man asks and josh debates shutting the door in his face but he knows he can't.

abigail climbs fully into tyler's arms, like a koala bear, she clings and peaks over his shoulder at her brother and tyler panics.

he shouldn't be here, he should've hidden or left out the back but it's too late and the look of terror on ashley's face as they make eye contact only confirms it.

tyler stands up, still holding abigail but he knows she will only let go if he gives her to josh. with a deep shaky breath he walks towards his boyfriend.

josh steps aside to let the man in, who lets his clipboard guide him forward and into the room.

he seems confused to see tyler almost walk into him.

"sorry, i was just leaving." tyler says shakily and steps around him.

the man eyes him but turns his attention to jordan's sorry state in shock, walking over to inspect the fourteen year olds face.

while his back is turned tyler hands abigail over to her brother. she immediately tucks her face into his neck.

"i'll see you tomorrow." tyler promises quietly, hoping his lingering fingers brushing down josh's arm are enough to soothe him. josh nods cautiously and steps to the side to allow tyler out the door.

it's reflex, tyler doesn't even realise what's happened until he's halfway out of the door. he freezes and turns around to see the broken expression on josh's face, his eyes filled with fear. tyler barely registered the pressing of their lips together, it's muscle memory, it's all tyler thinks about most days to the point that he doesn't actually think about it at all, but he's fucked up this time.

the older gentleman coughs as the two boys hold a silent conversation between them. tyler opens his mouth but his apology dies in his throat. josh simply shakes his head, breaking the stare to look at his family instead.

tyler wants to do so many things but he knows the best thing is the hardest one. so with a heavy heart he turns, closes the door behind him and walks to his car.

the gentleman raises his eyebrows as josh swallows hard.

 _game over._  josh thinks.


	2. ii.

tyler couldn't stop chewing on his lip as he lay on his bed staring at the ceiling.

the earlier events in the day played in slow motion like some horror movie that tyler couldn't forget. then another memory was pushing it's way forward, filling his chest with dread.

he remembered josh's face a few weeks back, when he'd turned up on tyler's doorstep at three in the morning.

_he'd been shivering violently, clothes soaked through as he'd walked to tyler's house alone in the rain._

the thought that josh felt safer wandering the streets alone at night than in his own home made tyler feel an emotion so strong he had to cover his face with a pillow and scream.

_josh had arrived with a bruised face, there had been blood smudged and washed down his face from a small cut on his nose._

_as soon as tyler had seen him from where he'd stood on the staircase, he had barged past his housemate, making mark stumble back in a half-asleep daze. tyler had pulled josh into his chest and held him so tight, tears in his own eyes as josh sobbed into his shirt. he was cold as ice and tyler had been quick to get him upstairs, changing his clothes for warm dry ones when josh became unresponsive._

_there had been delicate fingers cleaning josh's face, an open first aid kit spilled out across the desk. tyler's hands had shaken as he placed the bandaid on josh's nose but if josh had noticed he pretended he hadn't._

_tyler knew to wait out the silence, he knew the deadness in josh's eyes was because he was lost somewhere in his head, sitting cross-legged in a dark room while he organised his thoughts and compartmentalised his memories and emotions. he'd come back to tyler when he had sorted everything into a checklist of points and he'd list them and tyler would make them dissolve, like cotton candy in water._

_tyler had held his boyfriend tight to his chest, pressing kisses softly over any exposed skin he could find._

_"they're going to put us into the foster system. adrian said there's too much evidence of abuse for any self-respecting human to ignore, especially a social worker."_

_josh's voice had been raw and faint and tyler had known it meant he was toeing the line between something and this conversation, he just couldn't tell if it was just sleep or if he was about to draw back into himself. he'd spoken cautiously as a result._

_"he's right josh. i can't bare it." his voice had broken and he had to swallow hard around the heartbreaking thought of every bruise and scratch, the broken nose, the scars on josh's thighs, the fingerprints on his neck that one particularly scary night. and those were just what josh got away with. ashley would be permanently left with scars on her cheek, jordan would never play professional baseball after the broken bones he had sustained. abigail's damage was psychological but that left its own kind of scars especially on someone so young._

_"what if they make us move towns? he said they're building a case to send her to jail, what if i have to speak at the trial? i can't do that, ty. i can't do any of this, i never asked for this life, i can't get seperated from them, i can't live without them i can't- i can't- i-"_

_"woah woah woah. baby, breathe please, you're okay. you're okay, i'm here. right here." tyler had said, helping josh sit up as his breathing had shortened towards hyperventilating._

_he had pulled josh's hand to his chest as he'd backed up, just enough to give him air. then he'd taken deep breaths, josh copying as best as he could. hot tears had been dripping into the space between them._

_after some time josh had calmed. tyler had grabbed his hands and laced their fingers together, once he had pulled the sheets around josh who was shivering violently once again._

_"josh, she belongs in jail for the things she's done to you. i'd kill her if being in jail wouldn't keep me apart from you." tyler had said and josh had ducked his head._

_"i hate when you talk like that. you're nothing like her, you're not violent and i don't want you to be." he had mumbled and tyler felt guilty. he had squeezed their fingers and pressed his lips to josh's hairline._

_"i know, i'm sorry. i just love you , more than words, and the fact that, there are things i can't protect you from, frustrates me."_

_josh had looked up, tugging on the older man's hands so he came closer, allowing their lips to press together tenderly._

_"i don't want to be apart from you or my family." (both boys understood that family meant his siblings and had nothing to do with the woman who had birthed them.)_

_"you said your social worker, adrian, promised he would do everything he could to keep you together, if it got to this stage, right? so, you just have to trust he will stick to his word."_

_josh had ducked his head as tyler had rubbed his thumbs over the backs of his hands._

_"i love you and i want you out of there, i want you safe." tyler had said softly and josh had wanted to cry again. had wanted to tell tyler how much he made him feel safe, how all he wanted was to be with him always._

_"im eighteen in five months." josh had said hopefully but tyler had given him a look._

_"you don't know if you're allowed to take care of them once you're eighteen baby, you can't put all your hope on something that's not practical. we can't raise three kids josh, i barely make enough for rent on this house and i split it with five other dudes and you barely make enough to feed them."_

_"i know but i have to pretend. it's all i have." josh had said, voice breaking and tyler had instantly moved, pulling him into his arms and lying down again. he had begun running his fingers through josh's thick curls, shushing him and after a while he had turned out the light and sung quietly. a soft song that made josh's heart fuzzy and had his mouth twitching up at the corners ever so slightly as he had finally fallen to sleep._

tyler misses his weight on top of him, they always sleep best when josh can use tyler as a personal mattress and tyler can use josh as a personal heater.

he knows what the consequences of exposing their relationship can be. adrian could make sure josh is moved far away from him, or worse, could punish josh out of bigotry and disgust.

tyler has never hated himself more than he does right now, when he realises his own carelessness could cost josh, the boy he's so completely in love with, everything.

he'll never forgive himself.


	3. iii.

josh had been dragging his feet all morning, distracted.

"you okay?"

a strong arm claps josh on the back almost knocking him over.

"i'm fine." josh forces a smile.

dallon seems unconvinced but he gives nothing more than a quirked eyebrow and a scoff.

the bell rings in the background but josh stops walking.

dallon turns to look at him, confused.

"i'm gonna go somewhere, cover for me?" josh asks, but it's barely a question, and he's already walking the opposite direction from his math class.

dallon cautiously puts a hand out to stop him leaving, but he stops short of grabbing josh. josh freezes as he feels the hand close to him, turning to look at dallon.

"you're not really going to see him, are you?" he asks and josh gives him a knowing look. dallon shifts feet awkwardly. "doesn't your mom care, that you're fucking a twenty two year old?" his brow is furrowed and josh is reminded yet again that dallon isn't really his friend, not truly. he's kept him at arms length for so long, that he no longer knows anything about josh, but the scraps of details. tyler's age, but not the nature of their relationship, his mom being crappy, but not anywhere close to the extent of the reality.

josh wants to say so many things. things like " _we're not fucking, tyler wants to wait 'til i'm eighteen_ ". like " _my mom's in jail as of last night and i'll probably never see you again when i'm put into a foster home next week_ ". but instead all that comes out is a harsh,

"that would require her to be sober enough to remember how old i am."

dallon blinks, and josh takes the opportunity, while dallon is shocked, to turn and walk away.

he picks up a run half way across the school parking lot and he doesn't stop until he feels like he's going to puke.

then he walks, out of breath, but all he can think about is tyler. part of him panics, he forgot to check the time before he left, he runs over tyler's work schedule in his head, he has it memorised because he doesn't have a phone to call him on, and realises he should be okay today.

when he finally stands on the front lawn of tyler's rental house, he seems to seize up again. panting hard, he tries to compose himself. he still gets self conscious of being unattractive to tyler, all sweaty and out of breath, just like he still gets butterflies every-time he sees him. he feels sure tyler will leave him, a million reasons go through his head when he thinks of why someone as perfect as tyler wouldn't put up with him.

"hey, kid, you alright?" someone asks and he realises that he's probably been standing there for a good ten minutes.

"joshie?" 

there's careful hands taking his face into them, and josh flinches then. the fingers are cold and his stomach churns at the memory of his drunken mother, curling her fingers around his chin and yanking, until he looks into her cold dead eyes, before she spat about how his father was dead because of him and shoved him so hard, he'd fall down the stairs and probably break something.

by reflex he grabs jenna's wrists so hard she yelps and tries to retract them. he lets her go, eyes wide and he immediately starts apologising but she shakes her head, rubbing her wrists.

"joshie, it's my fault. it was a stupid mistake, i know not to do that." she smiles and josh apologises again.

"josh, it's okay." the other voice, michael, speaks as he gives jenna a quick check over, she was more shocked than hurt.

in the commotion tyler had looked out the window and seen josh, it only takes him the time it takes to put on his sneakers to get to the door. he immediately runs over but he stops just short of holding josh.

"josh?" he asks and the moment josh sees him he crashes into him, holding on for dear life.

"we'll leave you to it." michael says guiding jenna into the house.

"sorry again joshie. hope you're okay." jenna adds with a sweet smile and josh can't look at her anymore he's embarrassed.

tyler pulls back just enough to check that josh is okay. he checks him over for new marks or bruises and is relieved when all visible skin is still clear.

"i'm so sorry for last night baby, i never meant to do that. i'll never forgive myself, i love you so much." tyler says, in a frantic mess, but josh shakes his head.

"it's okay. it doesn't matter now." josh says, pulling tyler's head towards his shoulder, holding him tight, fingers twisting in his long brown locks.

"what do you mean?" tyler's brows furrow, as he slides his arms around josh's waist.

"they arrested my mom last night." josh explains, pressing his nose into tyler's neck, squeezing his shoulders. he takes a deep breath, finally coming to terms with the fact that he was free of her.

tyler blinks, almost sure he misheard because josh's words were muffled by his shoulder, but as they sink in, overwhelming relief trickles down his spine.

he lets out a sound of excitement, pulling josh closer and spinning him around. he laughs loudly with relief at the good news and josh can't help but smile too, eyes scrunching so beautifully. he wraps his legs around tyler's hips before pulling back to make eye contact. they kiss briefly.

"i'm so happy you're safe. oh my gosh, you're safe! josh," tyler gasps his eyes watery and josh feels a sneaky tear slip down his cheek from sheer joy. tyler pushes their foreheads together, "i love you." he promises.

"i love you so much." josh says, adjusting his legs as he starts to slip from tyler's grip. tyler shifts him in his arms, smiling widely.

"wait." tyler says, worry overcoming his face. he puts josh down and as he does, an elderly woman, walking past them on the sidewalk, gives them a look of disgust. tyler is quick to take josh's hand and pull him into the house, mad at himself for not remembering his neighbours.

josh looks at him confused but lets himself be guided inside, noticing the lady too.

once inside tyler continues speaking. "if your mom is gone then why didn't you call me, i'd've come over to keep you company."

"it's okay, adrian slept on our couch, he's our temporary guardian because the family he found for us can't take us until the end of the week. he took all of our stuff to his house this morning and then he's picking us up from school later."

as josh explains, tyler guides him up to his bedroom and sits him on the bed. they're lay face to face by the time josh has finished speaking.

"shit. what time is it? aren't you supposed to be in class right now?!" tyler panics, sitting up and looking around for his phone, checking the time.

he sighs when he realises it's only josh's lunch period. carefully laying back down to face josh.

he passes his phone to josh who takes it with a sheepish and soft smile.

tyler watches him with fondness, his eyes sparkling with wonder, reflecting the screen, as he flips through the phone's apps.

tyler draws josh towards him, so his head is rested on tyler's chest, pressing a firm kiss to josh's forehead.

"what do you want for lunch, baby?" he asks fondly, stroking curls from josh's forehead with a gentle fingertip. josh hums, not looking up from the phone.

"we have time for me to take you out before you need to get back for classes. come on, i wanna treat you."  tyler smiles, kissing josh's forehead again.

"you always treat me." josh says, guilt creeping into his chest. he turns to look up at tyler, big round, almond and hazel eyes finding tyler's hooded chocolate. tyler's heart skipped as he was struck yet again by the beauty of his boyfriend.

josh heard it where his ear was pressed against tyler's chest and gasped, sitting up to inspect tyler's face.

"are you okay? did you just have a palpitation?"

tyler laughed and blushed a little at how sweet and innocent josh could be.

"i'm more than fine. my heart always skips when i look at you." tyler promises, voice velvety with fondness. he brushes another curl from josh's face before cupping his cheek.

josh's face turns red as his own chest flutters. "stop!" he says, ducking his head to bury into tyler's neck.

tyler chuckles again, pressing a kiss to josh's temple. "you're so cute."

josh only groans in response, refusing to look up.

"come on baby boy, let's go get some food." tyler says instead, patting josh on the bum before sitting up and pulling him up with him.

josh instantly wrapped his arms around tyler's waist from behind. the two laughing as they waddled side to side in exaggerated steps, as tyler pulled josh along. they stopped after a second so tyler could find his wallet and keys, and josh took the opportunity to cling to his arm and kiss his shoulder.

"i'm happy." tyler says, turning to kiss josh properly on the lips.

"i'm always happy when i'm with you." josh replies back, a warm smile spreading across his face that was too genuine for tyler to doubt.

"taco bell?" tyler asks, kissing josh's nose. his eyes light up and he nods frantically. "come on then." tyler chuckles, nodding his head and lacing his fingers with josh's.

the two boys sit in the taco bell parking lot to eat, tyler checking the time every so often, to make sure josh wouldn't be late back to school.

"do you know anything about your foster family yet?" tyler asks, hoping to get josh excited, but josh's expression drops slightly at the mention of his home life.

"adrian said they're kinda the same age as my parents, and they've only fostered one other kid before us. he told me and ashley that they insisted on having us and that they wanted to keep us together." josh shrugs, before eating more of his burrito.

"but that's good, isn't it? they obviously care about you guys already?" tyler offers and josh mulls it over, he didn't want to get his hopes up.

"he wont tell us where they live though, what if it's not near here? what if we can't be with each other?" josh asks, voice hoarse.

"that's not gonna happen josh. i own a car, i will drive to you, no matter where you are, and if i have to find a job nearer to you, then i will. whatever it takes, i'm not letting anything keep us apart." tyler grabbed josh's hands, rubbing his thumbs over the backs of them.

"i'm so scared." josh whispers, and tyler squeezes his hands reassuringly.

"i'm right here, baby. for you and ashley and jordan and abigail. if i could love anything half as much as i love you, it'd be them." tyler promises, before adding a quick, "-and my own siblings."

josh couldn't help the small smile that followed.

"i don't deserve you."

"i told you to stop saying that." tyler berates him.

josh gave him a sheepish look, apologising.

"don't apologise. just know that you deserve so much more than you realise." tyler says softly, tugging josh in for a tender kiss. "now, let's get you back to school, huh?"

josh groans as tyler turns in his seat and starts his car back up.

"josh, you need an education, and you promised me you'd graduate, so you're doing it." tyler says, giving josh a look. josh's argument dies in his throat and he sighs in defeat.

"you're lucky i love you." he says instead, finishing his food in one bite and staring out the window as the car begins moving.

tyler shook his head fondly, resting a hand on josh's knee when josh turns around. he always waits for josh to be able to see what he's doing, so he has time to warn tyler not to touch him. josh put his hand over tyler's before going back to looking out the window.


	4. iv.

josh chews on his lip and jigs his leg as he waits outside adrian's office. ashley can't stop fidgeting with her watch, it's cracked and hasn't worked in eight months but she seems determined to suddenly make it work now. abigail sits in jordan's lap and chews on her cat stuffie, her other hand is playing with jordan's fingers shaking them around.

josh thinks if he strains he might be able to hear voices from inside the office, but he can't make out what they're saying.

"you have to understand that these kids have been through a lot of trauma. jordan has some permanent physical health issues that you're going to have to watch for. abigail barely talks and her development has suffered a lot, she's small for her age and she's already been held back a year at school.

this is only your second time fostering and although the oldest two are almost legally adults they're still in desperate need of someone to take care of their needs properly.

they aren't like your last foster child, they don't have a father to come rescue them, he's dead.

i appreciate that you're passionate about keeping them together but this is a risk, if you're in any way not sure or ready for four kids, then please tell me by the end of today, because josh only has four months until he ages out of the system and then i can't guarantee he's allowed to see his siblings anymore." adrian explains and the couple sat opposite him give him serious expressions.

"we understand, but we've seen their file. we were made clear on their situation completely and we know what we're signing up for and the only thing that can make us change our minds on this, are those kids themselves." mrs. dun says clearly as her husband holds her hand in solidarity of her statement.

adrian doesn’t want to acknowledge the flicker of hope in his chest, just in case everything fell apart in these next crucial hours. but he smiles nonetheless, as he shuffled papers and stands up from his desk.

"in that case, all that's left for me to do is to introduce the children to you and see if they take to you or not." he explains and the adults nod, but he can see the nervous glance they give one another.

ducking his head out of his office door, in a soft voice, he calls the four siblings into the room.

ashley fumbles to do her watch back up and abigail whines and reaches out for josh to take her from their brothers lap.

josh takes a deep breath, swinging abigail around in his arms until she’s clung to him like a koala bear. ashley slips an arm around jordan's own to help guide him into the room.

all four siblings duck their heads, not making eye contact with the two strangers, standing opposite them. josh quickly sits on the faded leather couch at the back of the room, and ashley plops jordan next to him, before perching on his other side.

the strangers smile, before sitting down opposite them, and adrian pulls up a chair himself.

"kids, why don't you introduce yourselves?"

josh clears his throat awkwardly. he brushes hair from abigail’s face, so she can peep out, from where she was tucking into his neck. "i'm josh, i-i'm seventeen, the oldest um and this is abigail, she's just shy, um she's eight, the youngest ob-obviously."

"i'm ashley, i'm sixteen." ashley interrupts, seeing josh's anxiety spike, making her forget her own. she nudges jordan in the ribs when he doesn't speak.

"ow." he hisses, but at the look she gives him, he turns to the adults and speaks shakily. "i'm jordan, i'm fourteen."

"hello, i'm laura and this is bill, my husband. we're really excited to get to know you guys, if that's okay with you, of course." her eyes are filled with unshed tears and her smile is so warm josh isn't sure what to do with himself.

there's some awkward conversation, adrian prompts them to talk about the house, and what they want from a family, and school, and other boring things. the siblings are clearly hesistatant to trust and it prompts bill to finally say something.

"look, i know this is hard for you. we're strangers and you've been through hell and back. but this is a second chance for you guys, we want to be there for you. we want you to feel you can trust us and come to us for things and most importantly we want you to be happy. i know it's going to take time, we both do, but we want this to work as much as im sure, deep down, you do too. okay?"

it's the most he's said all meeting, and it leaves josh speechless. abigail actually turns around in his lap to face him after that. but josh’s throat is dry. he's feeling something he never feels, hope and it's scaring the living daylights out of him, to be honest.

ashley is crying silently when the two eldest make eye contact and josh reaches across their brother to hold her hand, he smiles at jordan when he feels his hand encase both of theirs.

"we want this to work too." ashley says, wiping her cheek with the back of her hand.

laura is crying too, and when they make eye contact she laughs and ashley mirrors it and josh blinks because she rarely laughs anymore.

abigail touches josh's cheek and he flinches violently, causing everyone to look at him. he gives everyone a nervous look before abigail is whispering in his ear, hands cupped around her mouth.

"is the pretty lady our new mommy?"

everyone gives him an expectant look, as though waiting for him to tell us what abigail wants. flushing bright red he whispers back.

"i don't know ‘bee but maybe." he says and then he looks at laura.

"abigail thinks you're very pretty." he says and the eight year old nods. laura's heart warms considerably.

"oh well thank you abigail, but i'm no where near as pretty as you and your sister, you know."

abigail hides her face in josh's neck again at that, and it makes everyone chuckle a little.

there's some more conversation, bill and laura opening up a little really helps everyone warm to them and they even laugh at the story of how they met.

"right, it's probably time you two got home, i'm sure there's still things to do before tomorrow." adrian says standing up and bill and laura look crestfallen before nodding their understanding.

bill attempts to guide laura out but she turns to the kids, eyes still watery.

"could i maybe have a hug?" she asks and adrian looks ready to step in but ashley is on her feet.

"of course." she says and she lets laura hug her. josh sees her relax into it and he's not sure who's more shocked himself or ashley because she most definitely didn't intend to still be hugging her after more than a few seconds. but she looks like she's clinging for dear life.

jordan obviously notices and as soon as ashley actually pries herself away he's straight in there for his own, making laura laugh as she pats his back.

ashley subtly tries to wipe her tears before gesturing for josh to pass over abigail. josh hands her over but he's in a daze, he stands and hovers when jordan pulls back from the hug.

there's a voice telling him he doesn't have to do anything he can't handle and he doesn't know if it's bill or adrian talking though, because he's distracted. distracted by putting his shaky arms around laura and he tenses as her arms come to wrap around him, but it's so warm and he feels so safe that he starts crying.

he's taller than her and her head is pressed into his chest, but she smells nice, and she's soft, not like tyler, and she's rubbing his back and soothing him like a real mom and he can't help but hold her tightly as she takes a heavy breath too.

when they finally separate, they're both crying, and hesitantly laura puts her hands up to his face. josh forces himself to relax and closes his eyes as she gently brushes the water from his face.

he opens his eyes when she's pulled away and she smiles at him, and he feels it in his heart, how badly he wants her to mean it, he wants her to be his mom.

adrian guides the adults out of the room but josh listens in at the door and hears laura's teary "they're perfect" and his heart is beating so loudly, as he turns to his siblings again.

"is this real?" ashley asks, and josh nods cautiously.

"i think so."

adrian comes back into the room and josh sits back down on the sofa with ashley and abigail in the middle this time.

"honest opinions please." he says, gesturing for them to start talking.

"i like them." jordan admits shyly.

"they seemed genuine." ashley mumbles.

"good, i think you guys are gonna really get on." adrian says.

"so, tomorrow, you're not in school either. we're gonna move you in with them in the morning, so you have chance to settle in a bit. on monday you're all back to school though, laura knows where your schools are, so she's going to pick you up and drop you off everyday from now on."

"so, we're not moving away?" josh asks hopefully.

"they dont live close to your old neighbourhood, so you will be moving, yes, but they've decided that they want you to finish the academic year at your current schools. they felt, and i agree, that too much change at once would be too much." adrian explains and josh feels his stomach drop a little at the realisation that he won't be close to tyler anymore.

when they've finished up their talk adrian sends them to the car, while he collects what he needs to work from home for the evening.

"um, adrian?" josh asks cautiously, hanging back.

"what is it?" he asks distractedly, sorting through stacks of files.

"c-could i maybe use your phone? and u-um, could i go see a friend this afternoon?"

adrian stops and looks up at how nervous josh is acting.

"i never asked what his name was." adrian says, by way of an answer, giving josh a knowing look. josh looks up at him, like a deer caught in headlights.

"tyler." he whispers, but adrian catches it, just like he catches the light blush on josh's cheeks.

"listen, i don't know if laura and bill will approve of your relationship. they're not homophobic, i did an extensive background check and quiet frankly, i confronted them about that problem head on before i even considered letting them in a room with you. but it's obvious he's older from how he carries himself. i don't know by how much, he’s got one of those baby faces, but quite frankly, i don’t wanna know. but just, be careful joshua, alright?"

josh bows his head, refusing to look up at the older man.

"here." adrian says softly and josh finally looks up to see him holding out his shitty flip phone. josh thanks him and takes it.

adrian grabs the rest of his documents, as josh types in tyler's number. adrian leaves the room with a quick "come out to the car when you're done, and lock up for me?" tossing josh the keys. josh holds the dialing phone to his ear.

before he could say anything there is a hesitant " _hello?_ " in his ear and adrian is shutting the door behind himself.

"hey, it's josh."

" _baby, is everything okay?_ "

"yeah, yeah it's more than okay actually," josh sniffs. "i just, can we hang out?"

" _sure, i finish work in an hour can i come get you?_ "

josh smiles and bites his lip, everything is more than okay for once, and saying it out loud felt amazing. maybe it would always be okay from now on.


	5. v.

"we're here." adrian says. josh blinks awake from where he was sleeping in the front seat.

the drive was longer than he'd expected, but adrian had already warned them it was a half hour drive from their new house to their school so he isn't surprised.

with a nervous glance at his siblings in the backseat, he gets out and looks up at the house.

it's big, clearly big enough to fit four kids. it looks lavish and expensive,with neat flowerbeds on a healthy front lawn. there were two sleek, expensive looking cars on the long driveway.

all four children gape, they've never seen anything this nice before.

"come on." adrian says, opening the trunk and helping them pull out their bags.

when the front door opens, laura is smiling, but it quickly drops when she sees that they only had a bag worth of things each.

she lets them in, the inside of the house just as nice and well-kept as the outside. but it's also cosy and homely. all four kids gawk as they are lead into the living room.

"right, well if you guys are okay, i'll get going?" adrian says, hanging back.

josh opens his mouth to protest, but it dies in his throat. with a reassuring smile, adrian reminds them he'll be in touch, and leaves them to it. he isn't one for hanging around, or emotional goodbyes.

"right, well, we were thinking about a quick shopping trip, if you guys are up for it?" bill says rubbing his hands together.

"we figured that you would want to decorate your rooms yourselves. we want this to feel like a home to you guys." laura adds.

"i'll show you your rooms, so you can get a feel for the space." bill gestures for the kids to follow him up the stairs.

the rooms are big and they’re all furnished with wardrobes and drawers and desks and double beds (except for abigail who had a princess bed that makes her squeal with excitement).

Bill then drives them to home depot and lets them pick out tins of paint and supplies. he takes them to a few more stores, letting them choose some bedding and when he sees ashley admiring an ornament, he puts it in the cart and when abigail grabs onto a pillow shaped like a cat he tells her not to lose it, with a wink. jordan gets a baseball poster he keeps hovering near, but josh is reserved. he doesn't look at anything around himself, he doesn't give anything about his personality away. bill watches him, because his sheets are plain and he picked some light blue paint for his walls and that's it.

"okay kids, i just need to get some more things for you."

assessing that they're already overwhelmed, he's quick to just pick out some more basic items himself. putting some lamps and towels and alarm clocks and pen pots into the cart. he gets them some school supplies because adrian mentioned that the had very little stuff, and when he overhears ashley and jordan having a whispered argument over his need for a new backpack, bill stops walking.

"josh can you get abigail to pick out one of those princess blankets?" bill says gesturing with his head to the display of disney throws and blankets. josh nods, picking her up from where she was walking beside him, and taking her over to it.

bill turns back to ashley and jordan.

"what's the problem?" he asks and ashley smiles forcibly.

"nothing, we're fine." she lies.

"if you need new backpacks for school, you need them, they're an essential. so please tell me." bill offers.

"you don't have to do this." ashley’s face looks conflicted, like she’s waging a war with herself and bill frowns. he sighs as he guesses why she’s struggling, before doing his best to help her.

"listen, i understand this is overwhelming and laura likes to go overboard. but we don't expect anything in return for these things, we're lucky to be blessed with money, just let us spend some on you."

ashley’s expression lessens to something akin to awe and jordan refuses to look up from his scuffed shoes.

"even if this doesn't work out, between us, you can keep these things, they're yours forever. we don't expect anything in return. you have my word on that." bill continues and ashley gives him a look that conveys everything she wants to say but doesn’t know how. jordan mumbles a shy thank you and bill smiles at them.

"go and pick out a backpack jordan, and then come and find us, alright? if you know if the others need new backpacks, please pick something they'd like too." he adds, before turning to head off with the cart. he pauses at the sight of josh, turning back to call after ashley. she turns and steps back over to him, confused.

"why won't josh pick anything for his room?" bill asks bluntly.

ashley hesitates and bill fixes her with a look. she didn't understand, how only on her second meeting with this man, she could trust him so easily, but something about him reminds her so much of her father, that she cannot help the inherent trust she has in him. with a deep sigh, she responds.

"he doesn't think he'll be allowed to stay much longer, he's almost eighteen. and he won't take things from people, he can't pay back."

"right, well tell him he's payed me back and to pick something out already, okay?"

ashley furrows her brow, and is about to ask how he'd payed him back, but bill is already walking away. over to where abigail is deliberating between a little mermaid and a rapunzel blanket.

as bill walks up the the display, he notices on the other side of it, there’s a pink aristocats blanket. he pulls it out and approaches the eight year old, still in her brother's arms.

"abigail, did you see this one?" he asks and her eyes immediately lit up, even josh smiles at it, knowing it is her favourite movie.

"we didn't see that one, thank you." josh says, taking it from bill and passing it to abigail’s outstretched grabby hands. other blankets forgotten, bill chuckles, as she cuddles the soft blanket into herself.

"joshua, your sister needs your help over there. when you're done come find me, and we'll get out of here."

half an hour later and the car was stocked with bags of things as it pulls back into the drive.

everyone files out and helps carry the stuff inside. they decided to do jordan and abigail’s rooms first because the paint can dry overnight and they can sleep in the eldest’s beds with them.

abigail's room is first and she excitedly helps to roll on the pink paint she'd chosen. josh and ashley watch her, while jordan instructs her how to paint evenly, and bill is distracted, painting the edges where the walls meet the ceiling.

"do you think this is a bad idea?" ashley whispers.

"what?"

"this, all of it. letting her buy blankets, and pillows and paint her room. what if this doesn't work out? we've been here for half a day and they're acting like its already permanent. she's going to be heartbroken." ashley explains and josh feels his heart sink because he’s been worrying the same thing, but he’s been too scared to say it out-loud.

"i know, but she needs this ash, whether it falls apart later or not, we have to let her have this. we can't keep acting like this is all going to crash and burn, or it will."

ashley snorts.

"what?" josh asks again.

"nothing, it's just, you sounded like tyler then. i like it when that happens, it reminds me that you're going to be okay."

"‘okay’?" josh clarifies.

"yeah, you're in love josh, and i know that because of tyler, you'll always be okay at the end of the day."

josh shoves her playfully, blushing slightly.

"i don't see much painting going on in that corner." bill teases, not even turning around.

"sorry." josh says, but he’s stifling a laugh, and so is ashley.

by the time they've almost finished, laughter bubbles over and spills out of the room. laura smiles at the scene, as she leans in the doorway.

"this is looking wonderful!" she comments excitedly, getting everyone's attention. "i made some snacks, they're in the kitchen."

on the way to the kitchen, josh notices the landline sitting on a table in the hall. he makes note of its location, before following his siblings to get food.

later that night, when everyone is asleep, josh sneaks out of his room and down the stairs.

in the kitchen there is a noticeboard with a letter pinned to it, that had the house address on it. in the dim light, he strains to read it but he takes it down and carefully walks over to the landline.

he’s quick to dial tyler's number, sitting huddled against the wall, so he'll be out of sight.

" _listen, i don't want your stupid insurance stop call-_ "

"it's me." josh whispers, cutting tyler off mid-rant.

" _josh?_ " he asks wearily, there’s a sigh and a shuffle, most likely tyler sitting up in bed.

"yeah." he whispers.

" _are you okay? did they hurt you? are you safe?_ "

"yes i'm-i'm okay. they're nice, too nice actually." josh is quick to quell tyler’s panic.

" _too nice like it's suspicious, or too nice like you're overwhelmed, because you're not used it?_ " tyler asks, voice gravelly.

josh considers the question for a second. “the second one."

" _do you know their address yet?_ "

josh reads out the address as best as he can, and waits patiently for tyler to put it into his phone maps.

" _it's approximately 26 minutes drive from me to you, baby. that's more than do-able._ " comes tyler’s velvety voice and josh shivers.

" _do you want me to come get you?_ " tyler asks at the silence. josh shakes his head, before remembering that tyler can’t see him.

"tomorrow? you have work in the morning, you should sleep, _baby_." josh teases, and tyler huffs playfully. sometimes josh likes to mock the nickname tyler always gives him.

" _fine, i'll pick you up at half eleven?_ "

"yes please." josh whispers, biting his lip.

" _miss you baby. but i'm proud of you for getting where you are and for giving these people a chance._ "

"miss you more." josh confesses, overcome with sadness. "i want to hold you so bad."

" _tomorrow love, it's only a few minutes until it's today._ " tyler promises and josh smiles.

"i love you."

" _i love you more._ " tyler says and josh cautiously hangs up.

he puts the letter back on the noticeboard, and creeps back up to bed. he falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.


	6. vi.

“so, how are you liking things so far?” adrian asks, as he sits in the living room of the dun’s house.

ashley smiles and jordan nods. “they’re really cool.” he says and adrian smiles.

“any problems?” adrian asks.

“they still don’t know everything about josh but, they’re on top of jordan’s hospital appointments and abigail actually lets bill carry her now.” ashley explains and adrian raises his eyebrows, because that’s a big step.

“what about laura, is she respecting boundaries? are you guys adjusting?”

jordan nods and abigail speaks up from where she’s chewing her cat stuffie. “she’s a good mommy.”

adrian seems startled and so does ashley by the outburst.

“and what about you ashley? are you adjusting to being a kid and not a parent?” he says and ashley scowls, but drops it when adrian gives her a tired look.

“i’m trying. it’s only been a month, and josh is never here, sometimes it feels like it did before.” she admits sheepishly.

adrian seems upset by this as he suddenly looks between the kids, as if only just noticing josh is absent. “where is josh actually?”

jordan gulps, “you know where with you know who.”

“and they have no idea?”

“they ask but he lies.” ashley says and jordan scoffs.

“asks us to lie, you mean.”

“right.” adrian says and he pulls out his phone.

“who are you calling?” ashley sits forward.

“tyler.”

“how did-“

“josh used my phone to call him a month back.” adrian explains just in time for tyler to pick up.

“ _hello?_ ”

“tyler, this is adrian, josh’s social worker. is he with you?”

tyler looks down at where josh is asleep on his stomach, and tyler’s free hand is twisting soft curls between his fingers on top of josh’s head. the sight making his heart is full.

“yeah.” he says quietly. “is everything okay?”

“ _can i speak to him?_ ”

tyler frowns. “he’s asleep right now. hold on.”

“ _no, no leave him._ ” adrian assures and tyler pauses. “ _can you just pass on a message for me?_ ”

“sure.”

“ _remind him that he’s not alone anymore, and he can’t keep running off. his mother may not have cared, but laura and bill do. and asking ashley and jordan to lie for him isn’t fair anymore, they can’t build a relationship with their foster parents if they’re having to break their trust every five minutes._ ”

ashley looks angry at the statement and she goes to speak out but adrian puts a hand up to silence her.

“do we have an understanding?” he asks tyler and tyler swallows hard.

“yes sir. i understand completely, and i’ll tell him.” tyler says before saying goodbye and hanging up.

tyler worries at his lip with his teeth, as he thinks over the conversation. he’s watching josh intently, conflicted on whether to wake him or not, when the decision is made for him. thick red slowly begins to trickle out of josh’s nose, and tyler sees it almost instantly.

“shit.” he gasps out, before stretching to reach for the tissues on his bedside table. the movement doesn’t wake josh but tyler pressing tissues to his nose does and he blinks awake.

“what’s happening?” josh slurrs out, still half asleep and tyler frowns.

“your nose is bleeding.” tyler explains, keeping the wad of tissue in place. it’s already starting to turn red.

josh forces himself to sit up, taking hold of the tissues himself so he can sit beside tyler.

“i’m sorry.” he says and tyler shakes his head.

“no need, but i do think you should talk to a doctor about how often you’re getting these.” he explains, lacing his fingers around josh’s free hand.

“they’re not that often.” josh dismisses. “besides jordan gets them too, and his doctor said it was caused by breaking our noses a couple times. it’ll stop in a minute.”

“that doesn’t make it okay? i’m worried about you and so are your foster parents.” tyler says, as he hands josh fresh tissues and tossed the old ones into the bin.

“my foster parents?” josh echoes, face scrunching up in confusion. “what do they have to do with this?”

“well,” tyler hesitates, taking a deep breath. “look, adrian called me just now.”

josh looks even more confused.

“he told me that you didn’t tell laura and bill about me yet, and that you need to stop asking ash and jordan to lie for you because it’s not fair anymore.”

josh frowns, and sniffs as he wipes his nose some more. tyler silently hands over more tissues, as his words hang in the air between them.

“they’ll take me away from you.” josh whispers, like he’s scared to say it out loud in case that cements it in reality.

tyler presses a soft kiss to his forehead. “josh, you can’t know that. but even so, you can’t let them in fully if you’re always keeping things from them, and neither can the others. these people want to take care of you and be real parents to you, and if that means letting them ground you and tell you not to date me, then, that’s shitty. but it also, kinda, comes with the territory. you need to bicker and feel like they’re trying to ruin your life, before realising they just want to make sure you’re doing what’s best for you, that’s what real parents are supposed to be like. you had such a shitty childhood, you deserve to have no worries to the point where you turn into a whiny spoilt brat.” tyler teases the last part, tickling josh’s sides playfully and making him scrunch his face up.

“it’s not that simple ty.” josh says, once tyler stops, expression sobering.

tyler sighs. “i know baby.” he replies, before carefully taking the tissues and inspecting his nose. “but i don’t want to have to hide. and i wouldn’t mind be able to meet laura and bill someday. you’re really happy with them, and i wanna thank them for taking care of you.” tyler continues, pulling josh’s head to rest on his shoulder so they can cuddle.

josh sighs and presses a clean tissue into his nose to dry up the rest of the blood. he snuggles down into tyler’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around his arm.

“i’ll stop asking them to lie for me. i’m sorry.” josh mumbles and tyler turns to press a kiss to his forehead.

“love, you need stop apologising for doing nothing wrong.” tyler soothes. before letting josh climb into his lap and grab his face. he pushes their lips together tenderly. it’s soft and safe -the feeling of home that fills him up, when tyler’s hands are rubbing his back.

they kiss until their jaws ache and when josh pulls away, tyler chases his lips. pressing quick pecks to his lips that makes josh laugh and scrunch up his face adorably.

“i’m so lucky i fell in love with you.” tyler says and josh kisses all over his face.

“i’m even more lucky that you did.” he says as they stare lovingly at one another like the love-struck dorks they are.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm really enjoying writing this fic so much it's been so cathartic so i'm gonna aim to get a chapter posted a day until it's complete :)


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